Hey, all! Thanks for coming to this tab. You may find this is a place you revisit often.
My approach and perspective is eclectic and interdisciplinary. Your WHOLE self needs to be healed. I studied dietetics, so nutrition is a major part of your well-being. So many disease processes are related to diet. And when we are stressed, many of us have disordered eating. Even if that doesn't look like anorexia or something diagnose-able. We overeat, make poor food choices, or don't eat at all.
I went on the "divorce" diet and lost 40 pounds. I literally had no appetite for an extended period of time- almost a full year. No amount of reading about nutrition would have gotten me to eat more. But, at that point, a person needs to strategically try to eat nutrient-dense foods. Not a bad place to start for all nutrition, honestly. But, I don't buy in to any one special diet, although I am personally gluten, citrus and dairy free. I have been lactose/citrus intolerant since I was 6 and had such high levels of inflammation when I was eating gluten that it is pretty obvious I probably have celiac disease. There is a high correlation between people who are lactose intolerant who develop celiac as well. I was one of those people who did not outgrow the intolerance. I also have IBS and went through the lovely endoscopy test for diagnosis. I did not submit to the celiac blood test because you have to be eating foods with gluten so you show the reaction in your inflammatory markers and I had such debilitating pain that once I went off gluten, I never went back and didn't care about a formal diagnosis.
I lean personally towards keto because of my own special needs, but you have to find out what works for you. And no gimmicky, faddish diet will sustain you. Just as your heart, soul and mind need to be nourished, so does your body and it is pretty straight up how to accomplish that. So, we will address that soon.
Spiritually, your heart and mind are integral to your soul's well-being. I was a highly religious person after choosing to be agnostic for decades. However, I am no longer religious. I will go to a church service sometimes, I will give to a church ministry that is specific to women, and I will attend a support group at a church, but I will never be religious or a church member again. I do believe in Jesus Christ and the bible- although, I think it was written by paternalistic, controlling men and the "interpretation" of it by men today continues to obfuscate and oppress women. There is a whole movement of people who are leaving the proverbial church- in droves. And for very good reason- leadership is perhaps more corrupt than in politics partly because it is so much easier to hide deception and abuse because the leaders seem to have a special "Holy Spirit" shield. Really, they are hiding behind their ministry and god-like authority, using their position as a way to find victims. It is still the case that to be a man of God in the pulpit is still a difficult and rare calling. There is some ground-breaking support for people who have experienced church abuse. The reality of its prevalence is finally showing its ugly reality.
I worked at a Senior Center and those people were incredibly inspiring. At the time, I had flirted with getting in shape. But, then I saw people fighting for their mobility by going to sit-down exercises classes and simply walking every day. It really woke me up that if I don't start taking care of my body now, aging will become a very difficult process. I started walking and eventually began to run. I have since been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, so running is on hold right now, but I will get back to it. If all you can do is walk around the block once, do that every single day till you can walk around the block twice. If you can't do that, do chair yoga or low impact stretching. Get your body moving because it will release chemicals that help move you forward and will get you healthier.
I recently read that people who have been in an abusive relationship or grew up in a toxic environment have a very high prevalence of developing auto-immune diseases. This is heart-breaking because as a child, your body builds connections that will not serve you well, but it is the best you can do. The good news is that you can rewire your brain and build brand new pathways- until the day you die. So, it is NEVER too late to make changes that can improve your quality of life.
You also need community. There is some controversial research that states PTSD is communicable. I know there is also a newer diagnosis of C-PTSD, related to being abused in an on-going way. To some extent, this makes sense. If one person is always on high alert, easily triggered, it can put their partner in a state of distress as well. The main point of the research is that people who have it need to do two major things to diffuse the affects it could have on people close to them: 1. volunteer so you are getting out of your own head and thinking about others; 2. get involved in support groups so that there are multiple outlets in limited time/exposure to your specific issues. It doesn't mean you shouldn't share at your groups. You absolutely should! But, it is saying this disperses the depressive and negative aspect of PTSD while actually helping you in the process.
If we work together, I hope it expands your horizons, that you no longer feel like an abused person who spends (too much) time focusing on that one aspect of yourself. Yes, it takes a lot of energy to grow beyond what you have endured because it is pervasive across all dimensions of who you are. BUT, doing new things will start the ball rolling in a whole new direction for a healed, healthy, happy life.
The bottom line is a high quality of life through healing/enhancement work on all aspects of who you are- mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. The entire idea may seem insurmountable,but you take it one small step at a time.
You may have muddy thinking right now. You may not have your village built, you may have no idea where to even _start._ That is what brought you here and hopefully, you will find answers and options to all of it.