Recently, there has been a Facebook share going around from a LinkedIn article about how strong women shouldn't be bothered if people don't like it because it shows they have standards and boundaries. There is something about the phrase "strong woman" that makes me bristle.
I was a hard-core feminist in college. To the point I almost came across as a man-hater. Eventually, I calmed down and realized I'm for everybody. It isn't about valuing one gender over another. Unfortunately, the sad truth is that as long as society is male-dominated, women will continue to be undervalued. We are still expected to work full-time and take care of the house and kids by many people, and not just our parents' age- our own partners often hold this expectation. If you are both working full time, then the home chores should be shared equally. Period. His work isn't harder than hers. As a matter of fact, because of the hostile workforce climate that is more than norm than the exception, it IS harder for a woman. She can still work twice as much as a man and get passed over because there is a man in the damned room. No matter how you frame it or wish it were different, it isn't.
But, here is the real problem.
Women should love themselves. They should have boundaries and they should have high standards. I am in NO way saying that a woman or any person should compromise in any of these areas. But, where I start to take issue is HOW a woman goes about obtaining and maintaining these habits and traits.
First, though, I need to make a distinction. Between assertiveness and aggression. There is clearly a difference. I do not believe men OR women should be aggressive to get what they want. But, it is pretty widely accepted that if a man is, the world just goes on. Not even a second take. Regardless of personal ethics for men, women need to be MORE careful in this arena. Otherwise, you are just simply playing the men's games by acting like them.
What I am saying is that if you want something, go for it. Be assertive. Do not cross the line of being aggressive, not only because it is rude and obnoxious and shouldn't BE tolerated, it is most often attributed to men. Men do NOT like it when women are aggressive- major turn off and often shuts them down professionally as well. Women do not like it when other women are aggressive. So, why act like that? It is better for you to maintain your dignity than to stoop to aggression to get what you want.
Assertive people speak their mind honestly, but they choose not to raise their voice, speak faster or over other people. They wait their turn. Even if they ask for several turns and politely point out they keep getting interupted. They hold their boundaries without falling into games and they walk away instead of engaging when things deteriorate into ridiculousness.
Aggressive people say exactly what is on their mind without caring how it comes across. There is little finesse or consideration for who the audience is. They can and will step on others to get what they want, they may lie, they are sometimes untrustworthy and they see their path as the most important. They talk over others, interupt, they can be confrontational, even bully-ish. It can even come across as somewhat threatening. Competition feels like a pissing match and is often "won" by the person who doesn't give up, not based on merit.
The bottom-line difference is two-fold: attitude and amount of integrity.
That may be too strong of an opinion, but I said it and I will not be taking it back. I will, however, point out that I was assertive, but not aggressive.