The first book I read that really revealed what was happening in my life is Leslie Vernick's "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage." It was devastating to read because I had been so blind for so long. And in my church circle, she was an absolute heretic. I read it anyway. That should have been a sign to me that I was trying to step out towards healthiness. Instead, I carried around guilt for even reading the book.
There was a young lady who wanted to mentor other girls and she got a resource that touched on many subjects in a generic, introductory way. Not that it wasn't a good resource, it was perfect for what her goals were. And that is where I first heard of Leslie Vernick. She truly showed me the way out of the darkness I had grown accustomed to and labeled "My Marriage." I did not get divorced for another 3 years, so, it wasn't an overnight change.
But, the second book I read was even more helpful in some ways. Whereas Leslie removed my blinders, describing my life as if she were in my house daily, Kay Bruner brought a brutally honest viewpoint of a very difficult topic in a way that was gentle and loving. I was told to forgive my husband nearly as quickly as I found out about his secrets. It just does not work like that and Kay experienced the religious pressure as well.
She experienced hurt and grief and pain because of someone else's sin. And living with that is a very hard thing to do. She wrote "Debunking The Myths of Forgive-and-Forget." She never once said you should hang on to anger and let it turn to bitterness and hate. She just validated my wounds so deep I didn't even have words to prayer about them. I often got no farther than "Dear Lord..." In those moments, the Holy Spirit knew what to do. I couldn't have said another word. But Kay writes from a perspective that cuts through the crap, that allows us to HAVE the feelings of anger, rage, disappointment and not have to just gloss it over, shove it under the rug and pretend with all of life.
She also gave me hope that there would come a time I could forgive and reminded me not to hang on to my struggle forever. Any woman struggling with the woundings from a partner should read this book. And it also helped me realize that we can hurt ourselves in the process if we don't take this topic seriously. The Word tells us we are required to forgive, but that is truly God's protection. I held on to unforgiveness for far too long and I know that because it made me ill and because when I did forgive, I felt so much relief and release I could not describe it. I really needed God's help to supernaturally bridge the gap for me, though. I just could not navigate my way through it alone. God helped me forgive, when it was time for me.
If you and I work together, this book with be part of your journey.
You can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Debunking-Myths-Forgive-Forget-Bruner/dp/1519215762/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=kay+bruner&qid=1577330291&sr=8-2
or here: https://kaybruner.com/